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Yes, your marriage can really survive infidelity

Dear Michael,
I have been married for two years now. Three days ago, my husband’s female colleague told me on phone that she had been having an affair with him and even insulted me.

This shook my world and led to a lengthy fight. My husband admitted the affair and said that he had slept with her only once, nine months ago. I don’t trust what either of them said.

My husband and I have a good marriage. We laugh and crack jokes and in the past 48 hours, we’ve enjoyed our time together.

We started counselling after the affair came to light. My question is: Is it possible, with time and a great deal of help, for a marriage to survive infidelity?

I thought I had married my soulmate, and now I know he removed his wedding band to have sex with another woman “just once.”

Merab

Dear Merab,

The answer to your question is, Yes. With time and a great deal of help, a marriage can survive infidelity. It is possible if both parties want to overcome the infidelity together.

At two years, several people would say that your marriage is still young. This is a devastating test to any marriage, irrespective of years.

But what you and your husband have nurtured so far sounds beautiful. It sounds like you are friends. Conversation and simply being in each other’s presence seems to bring great fulfilment, and is not strained even so soon after you got to know of his infidelity.

At the risk of being wrong, I would say that you are emotionally, intellectually and even spiritually in tune. Those facets of a marriage are essential and form the basis upon which it finds its physical consummation.

Unfortunately, the bond of your union was weakened because of your husband and his co-worker, and to a lesser degree by you too.

Gathering from your description of the co-worker, your husband must have put an end to their relationship, hence the anger. He seems to have realised his mistake.

He will be receiving plenty of punishment for it without your recrimination. As you continue with the counselling, together and individually, be honest with each other and don’t lose sight of the goal: to heal and build on an already good marriage.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at [email protected]