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CITY GIRL: What to do when you find out he is cheating

There is a woman in Rongai who torched her husband’s car in a fit of rage after she discovered he was cheating on her.

There is an impressionable young woman – 22 years old I think – who stabbed her boyfriend 22 times after she discovered he was texting other women.

There is a woman who, after she found out her husband was still seeing his ex-girlfriend and baby mama, grabbed her kitchen knife, took her husband’s car keys, and went to the parking garage. She rolled up her sleeves and scratched the black obsidian paint off her husband’s Mercedes E350.

When she was done, she opened the car and started working on the beige leather seats. Then she took to the dashboard and poked holes into the it before breaking the windscreen. Then – I am not exaggerating here – she got into the car and reversed the car against the wall at high speed.

All the while, she was screaming “Hii ni ile gari unatuamia kubeba wasichana wadogo? Eeeh? Tuone sasa kama utawabeba kwa mgongo!” (So this is the car you use to ferry young girls Eeeh? Let’s see if you will not carry them on your back)

I know this because I saw the car in a certain garage in Industrial area where I had also taken my car for fixing. The owner of the Mercedes had allegedly dumped the car in the garage that is of course, after dumping the crazy woman.

Oh, and there is this woman. This pastor’s wife, who was sick and tired of her reverend husband’s philandering ways. My mother told me this story; she doesn’t read this column so I can share freely.


Where was I? Oh, the pastor’s wife tired of hearing of her husband’s sexual trysts with church members. One Sunday, after preaching, he asked to pray for the women in the church who want their husband’s to return to the Lord (for a fee, of course).

And guess who was the first woman to spring to her feet? You guessed it, Mrs Pastor! Ushers tried to calm her down but she grabbed the microphone and Lord the imprintable words mummy pastor said about daddy pastor!

Why are women so dramatic when they discover he has cheated on you? What does burning Italian suits and tossing his MacBook Pro five floors down have to do with the man cheating?

What, silly women, does that expensive car have to do with your rocky marriage? I look at some of these women and their reactions and I think to myself, “No wonder he cheated on you!”

I know there are two things certain in life; death and taxes. Let me add a third ladies, unfaithfulness. As long as you are in a relationship or marriage, you are bound to be cheated on. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman.

You see, that man is never yours one hundred per cent. You have either snatched him from somebody, sharing him with somebody else, or about to have him snatched from you by somebody else.Sorry girls, it is as painful as it is true.

And if you can’t deal with this, I will understand. We are not all strong women. Some of us were not taught to share anyway. So, if you can’t get your head around this, then get a dog, a puppy that will be loyal to only you.

But for those women who decide to sit it out, in that marriage, relationship or situationship (you know, where you thought trapping him with a kadaughter will make him stay). If you are one of those bold women who decide to be in that relationship and you discover he is sleeping with Sheila, whom he swore was a ‘cousin’, listen up.

Spare the suits. Leave the car alone. Spare the laptop and for God’s sake, do not call the other woman. And please, do not bring drama to his workplace! We know you, you silly little women who bring drama to his workplace. You should be ashamed of yourselves!


I am not going to sit here in front of this computer and pretend that I can tell women what to do with their philandering men. I mean, I am just a columnist.

But now that we mentioned it, I will tell you one thing; whatever you decide to do, whether it is to leave the loser or stay with him, stay away from drama.

If you decide to grind glass and put in his food so he dies a painful slow death, who am I to stop you? As long as you don’t make it everyone’s business.

I am all for vengeance and retribution, revenge stories turn me on but I tell you this, the most successful revenge stories were done quietly without drama or spectacle. Drama is silly and stupid.

When you torch his car, focus shifts from what he did to how you reacted. Nobody will remember the man who cheated. But the woman who destroyed his car? Nobody will forget.

So stay cool and strategize. Be quiet in however you choose to react.

Should you decide that the cheating cad of a husband should have a small ‘accident’, I am all for it. Men have accidents all the time

Just don’t be dramatic. Drama is too expensive and will cost you too much attention. Quietly nurse and turn your vengeance skillfully like a chapatti. And when it is red hot, strike. That cheating cad will not know what hit him!