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Should I tell him about the miscarriage?

Dear Michael,
I had a miscarriage at six and a half months and it has been a difficult period for me. I never told the father-to-be about the pregnancy and I’m torn between telling him or not? Does he even have a right to know? Everlyn.

Dear Everlyn,

A very difficult period it must have been, and probably still is.

You have gone through the experience of giving birth: labour and delivery, but without the pleasure of holding your child with the hope of many days of joy, and a different kind of tearing.

Your body is probably recovering from the labour in terms of stopping the processes that had already began such as production of breast milk. 

I trust you received good medical care to ensure your ability to conceive, carry to term and deliver a healthy child in future.

I also hope that any lessons learnt from the experience will not be lost with time.

Should the father know? Several questions come to mind: Were or are you in a long-term relationship? 

Was the sexual intercourse a chance happening or was it more than just sex for both of you? Had you planned to tell him during the six and a half months?

Did you discuss or even talk about the possibility of getting pregnant, and what you would each want of such a situation? Is he still present in your life, especially if you’re not in a committed relationship?

If you told him, would you end-up harbouring anger and resentment toward him? 

How you respond to these questions will help you on what steps to take.

Suffice it to say though that your continued psychological health is important, and if you can’t live without telling him, then it would be wise to do so sooner rather than later.

Waiting risks allowing negative feelings and attitudes to develop.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at [email protected]