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How having everything planned out could ruin your perfect wedding

Getting married is an exciting thing and the journey there is quite something. Once you get over the shock and surprise that this man wants to live with you happily ever after, the real work begins – planning the wedding.

If you haven’t started this yet, you are in luck. My experience may save you a lot of heartache, sleepless nights and murderous thoughts. To get us to the same page, here is a little about myself.

I got engaged in September 2015 and up till that moment I thought I knew everything that one needs to know about planning a wedding. Quite a number of my friends and relatives had been married and even if I hadn’t played a huge role in the planning, I had observed quite a bit and had seen their mistakes and successes and made note of them. By that time I had an idea of what my wedding gown would look like, the colour scheme of the wedding and even from where to get our rings. I thought that I had everything planned out.

Have you seen my biggest mistake so far? It’s simple. I had everything planned out. I had not factored in my husband to be. It turned out we had differing opinions and ideas. So it will not come as a shock to you to find out that even though some of the plans I had were eventually implemented, it didn’t come easily and most of it was done from sheer compromise.

One big fight we had was to do with the budget and number of guests. I was very comfortable working with a small number of people and hence a small amount of money because I did not believe in bothering people for funds or getting into debt because of a one day affair. My then fiancé’s philosophy was “go big or go home”. He simply couldn’t understand how we would invite a mere handful of people, considering that we both come from big, close-knit families.

WOMAN’S AFFAIR

Men have a tendency of saying that weddings are a ‘woman’s affair’. True, many girls did start fantasizing about their big day from when they were in nappies but that doesn’t mean that the whole ordeal of planning for that day should be left to them in its entirety.

Grooms should learn to pick up their fair share of duties and help with the planning and execution. That was another major bone of contention in my own journey and it sometimes made me feel ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. I felt that if my man could let me endure all that stress by myself when I didn’t have to then things would remain the same in our marriage. I would be left with crippling decisions to be made by my lonesome when someone capable of taking over and even finding solutions was around.

As a couple, learn to set your priorities straight. You may know what kind of wedding you both want and the budget for it, but this part determines what you deem a must-have for the day. It shows what you are willing to pay for and what can be done away with. My advice would be to make food a top priority apart from your rings and honeymoon. We Africans will only thoroughly enjoy your party if food is in plenty.

Give yourself enough time. Do not be in a rush to have the wedding or a marriage. Unless you are eloping or have other factors affecting the speed with which you get hitched, then take your time. Even the marriage certificate requires you to register at least a month (21 working days) in advance.

Happy planning.