There is a species of women that scares men out of their pants. Their mannerisms are so unladylike, you can’t ask them out. Every man has such a woman in his circle.
She fancies masculine clothes. Ankle length belted khaki pants. Body-hugging ones. Paired with tuxedos. Or t-shirts. The sort worn by Nigerian halfwits who maraud Kenya, bewitching our women.
She wears very little make up. Mostly none at all. Her hair is usually trim. Sometimes dyed. Dyed white or brown. Or any other such generic hue that doesn’t have the slightest marker of sexuality. She sports so much bling in her fingers you would imagine she is a jewellery shop.
Her cologne is masculine too. The mild-scented, woody and sensual perfume that instantly awakens the devil of sensuality in women when worn by men.
If you stepped into her house, you would think you erroneously entered into another man’s house. The décor, the furniture and the general lay of the house all reek of manliness.
You have noticed that your woman cannot dress as you sit there. For decency, she says. Never mind the times you snuggle stripped to the dermis under the sheets.
This one though does not mind changing in your presence, exposing her workout-chiselled thighs and abs, while you pretend to not look.
You cannot woo her by being smart. Half charm does not work on her. Neither do lines borrowed from movies. Online jokes are too bland for her stiff sense of humour. Chances are, she has read those. Maybe even used them as well. Be authentic around her. To be safe.
Cockiness is her trademark, worn like a badge of honour. Her bully tendencies are rarely concealed. She is a stallion.
Clearly, this one is not equal with her kind. She knows it. Other women know it too. While she is around other women, they obediently stick to their lane.
She is a maniac of men’s tough topics. Politics. Fitness. Money. And extreme sports. If she uses such words as to nutmeg, and knows how to break the offside trap, buddy, yours could just be a wrong bet.
She is not the naïve and embarrassing type that thinks Messi plays for Man United. Missy knows her onions about sports.
STRENGTH AND HUMOUR
Nothing threatens men quite like a woman who knows the bro code, the man’s world. You see, our kind is mysterious, somewhat. The intricacies in our world humour women big time. It is the reason they find us witty and fall for us.
But when she permeates this veil, not even your most ingenious joke would impress her. If she laughs at them, she is faking it.
What do you make of a woman who spends the night at your place, sleeping sprawled all over you and does not get one bit intimate with you? That you are attracted to her does not count.
You must have tonnes of testosterone and the virility of a bull whale to get under her pants. The best deal you can get out of such a woman is friendship. That way, you just might thrive. Anything else is sure-fire to fail.
She is fun and smart. When her chips are down, she knows how to handle it. With strength and humour.
Should such a woman enter the hemisphere of your life, you are one lucky chap. But you will be on hard luck to expect so much.
Simply hang out with her. Listen to her jokes. Laugh. Sometimes it is better to keep your juices in check. Besides, you cannot always have it all, can you?