Let us be honest; how many people were taken through proper sex education before they started engaging in it? Or did you just ‘learn on the job’?
When I say sex education, I’m talking about the real thing, not what they teach in school.
I admire communities and families that strive to teach their young people what sex is really about. I have heard of cultures that ensure that their young men and women are taught exactly what to do and how to do it on the eve of their weddings, in anticipation of consummating those marriages.
For some of us, we got a theoretical education, or worse, were taught by boys who did not really know what they were doing themselves.
This thought came into mind as I was planning for a friend’s bridal shower. As I write this, the shower is yet to happen and I am curious as to what advice we married women will give our friend as she joins the club. Will we gloss over the whole thing or will we be accurate and give detailed information on all that she may need to know?
I recently read an article on a website about a Chinese couple aged 24 and 26, that had been married for four years and had unsuccessfully been trying to get pregnant.
They went to a doctor to find out what the problem was. They were examined and found to be healthy and fertile, but something strange had been discovered. The wife was a virgin.
Upon interrogation, they admitted that sex was very uncomfortable but they persevered because they wanted a baby. Upon closer inspection, it turned out that what had happened was that the two had been doing it in the wrong hole.
An uncle of my husband’s, a pastor, had once remarked how another couple he had been counselling came to him with a similar problem. It turned out that they had missed the mark completely and the man had found himself in the fold of skin behind his wife’s bended knee.
In the first case of the Chinese couple, the doctor explained to them how to go about coitus and within a month, had sent him a live chicken and a hundred eggs to thank him. They were pregnant.
In the news this week, the number of girls that delivered babies just before or during their KCPE exams made me sad. This is clearly a person who does not yet fully understand how her body works, what these confusing feelings about boys mean and of course how to take care of another human being, a baby.
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s not wait for bridal showers to tell people the dynamics of sex. It’s importance of course, as it is an integral part of marriage, but the lessons should start earlier than that. Before adolescence kicks in and should be followed up with more detail as the child grows.
Girls should be told that they are not obligated to do anything they do not want to do. If a man loves you, he will wait for you and will not guilt you into having sex with him.
Let’s teach our boys that a man is not measured by the number of conquests that he has but his ability to remain true to a particular person.