Wedding season is around the corner, and after the brokenness that is Njaanuary, brides to be are busy planning every little detail of their dream weddings.
There is nothing as exciting, frustrating and exhausting, as physically and emotionally draining as planning your wedding. Amidst all the hullabaloo of ensuring that the walk down the aisle is perfect, few people consider the happily ever after that is the marriage itself.
As I may have mentioned before, I have a guilty pleasure of tuning in to a certain radio station on my way to work that usually discusses relationships (as they all do nowadays) and today’s topic was on why some men break off their engagements just a few days to their weddings.
The radio host put men to task to explain why and how they could stomach calling off an event that had been planned for over a year without a second thought. Before I reached my destination and cut short my listening experience, several men had called in to justify their actions.
A host of highly indignant men explained that the breaking of engagements usually happened when they found out something unpleasant about their wives to be or had a change of heart at the last minute.
One caller explained that he had called off his wedding a week to the date and had already spent Sh1.5 million on it. He said he realized that that was not the woman for him and that it was a personal matter. He did not fear what people would say about him, nor about hurting the girl’s feelings. He just didn’t want to make a mistake.
I have seen and heard of broken engagements, called-off weddings, and even stood up brides and grooms at the altar. I do not blame anyone who walked away before they made the plunge into a life-long commitment. A very wise lady once told my husband and me (before our wedding) that we would rather have a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
If you are planning your wedding soon, also plan your marriage. Reflect and find out why you are really getting into it. Is it because you are getting on in years and your family has put pressure on you to finally settle down? Are all your friends already settled in their homes and you feel left out? Do you want children and you think you can only have them in the sanctity of marriage? Is your decision to be bonded to someone else till death do you part for financial stability?
If you can, ask your partner for their reasons for marrying you. Be honest about it now, or else the truth will come out sooner or later.
Marriage is not a joke. One only realizes the gravity of the vows they took long after the wedding bells have stopped chiming. One wakes up and looks at the sleeping figure next to them and discovers that this is the person that they should (because some people feel monogamy is an option) be waking up to for the rest of your life.
And when the reality of the situation finally sinks in, it can be quite overwhelming. I think that the unpreparedness of couples is the root cause of broken relationships and the rampant murder suicides in families that are announced in the news on a daily basis.
So, brides and grooms-to-be, do not be afraid of what society will think of you, should you choose to walk away now. We will talk for a bit, and then find a more interesting topic to move on to. Do not be afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, if it is for the better for the both of you. Do not worry about the money that was spent, you will earn it back eventually. Do not worry about your family, if they really care about you, they will support your decision.
Learn to be honest with yourself and the rest will follow.