I am a working woman living in Nairobi in this 2018 who enjoys having sex. Along with my weekend to-do list of grocery shopping, hanging with my closest friends and visiting my parents is to have sexual intercourse.
Men and other women who are flabbergasted by these first two sentences, feel free to collect your jaws from the ground. I pay my taxes, support my family and commit no crimes. I can enjoy sexual intercourse!
Above and beyond my love for the act of sex, eventually I want to settle down. I want to find a man who I can call my own. Someone who accepts me for who I am and will love having sex with me just as much as I love having sex with him.
This man I will submit to and support, not only because we have amazing sex but because he is kind, hardworking, loves my family and takes the time to work on our relationship; both physically and emotionally.
The reason for writing this in simple sentences and writing it period, is not for the women who want the same things as I, but for the other women and men who make it their mission to demonize me for it.
I understand that your comprehension of some of the things mentioned here will be a challenge. Why can’t I be both sexually liberated and competent in my profession at the same time?
Why should a man not love and accept me because of the number of past sexual partners I’ve had? And most importantly why is it any of your business?
Millions of men in this Nairobi operate under the exact same principles. They drink and sleep around all their adult lives, one day wake up and decide the woman lying next to them has all of a sudden become the one they are going to marry.
Cue the applause and celebrations from family and friends.
“You’ve settled. You’ve found a good wife’, they say. Whether they stay faithful to this woman probably depends on a case by case basis but it is safe to say that most of them do not.
Yet, other women knowingly chase after these same “freshly-committed men,” and their peers try to compete by sometimes going as far as attempting to steal the woman they have “committed” to.
But I as a woman, who can pay for my own drinks and who equally enjoys sex isn’t judged by the same standards. I am expected to conform so that I can find a man to “wife” me.
I am ridiculed by the married women in the office when they spot my overnight bag, I constantly have to fight off questions of how I will “manage” my ambition and a family that has not even been started yet. The judging eyes are even worse from people I consider friends.
The most of awful part of all this is that with time I am forced to change, giving in to the pressure to toe the line. When it comes down to it I also want to be loved when I am ready, but insecure men and jealous women have dictated that I cannot will not have both.
So I will shelve my sexual liberation and goals (because yes, I have things that I even want to achieve even in sex) to please a man in this Nairobi, even though he has no idea how to please me.
I will bow to the pressure of the women in the office who have labelled me with all sorts of unprintable words by ensuring that they are the first ones to know when the man who has been courting me has ‘finally officially claimed me’.
I will sigh in disappointment when the aforementioned man during sex ejaculates in under five minutes leaving me extremely sexually frustrated but safely within the box society has placed me in.
And undoubtedly when I have our children I will selflessly devout my life to them while my husband is perambulating in Nairobi streets enjoying the gonads of another temporarily sexually-liberated woman on the path to being ‘wifed’.