Nairobi News

Going out on a date with a Kenyan woman and hoping that she will take care of her own bill, leave alone the entire bill, is like attempting Russian roulette with five loaded chambers and hoping that you won’t splatter your sorry brains away.

Some women are in the habit of wolfing down every last morsel in their way without the tiniest care of how much damage that does to the man’s pocket. Worse, even on first dates!

Miss, first dates are for having a good conversation, to know each other, to joke and to laugh the evening away. First dates are not a binging competition!

If she is a gold digger, sir, even if she speaks suave English like someone auditioning for the Royal Shakespeare Company, it’s a vain go. Should you not have a flexible budget, son, you’ll be on bloody hard luck. Perish her soonest you can.

What is wrong with a lady who takes care of her bill as the man minds his own? Some women I’ve had the occasion to spend time with would be miffed if I dared pay for their cognac.

SWANKIEST PLACES

Talking of which, some women entertain their men at the swankiest places your imagination can conceive.

And no. These are not the kept sort of men, contrary to popular word. They have sizeable bank balances with women who understand that even men don’t mind being surprised.

If you are out with such a glorious woman, she gets you a cab back home, seeing as you can’t drive with the fumes of brandy clogged in your brain. What’s more romantic!

That young men in this city are hopelessly broke is a tired, hollow fallacy. For you all anti-men crusaders, this is for you: these blokes have moolah, just that they are disinclined to spend a fortune on undeserving women.

That’s not to say that there aren’t total rubbish of men. Fellows who can’t extend a good measure of chivalry to a lady. These are a blot to the spirit of manhood.

There is a man’s genuine desire to spoil a woman. And there is trapping a vulnerable bloke into settling bills for you and the multitude of your rowdy girls.

FLEX THEIR MUSCLE

See, most men are inherently at pains to flex their muscle. They pounce on whatever vague opportunity that arises to prove a point. A howler.

But truth is, any man worth the fullness inside his pants should never allow himself to clip mud off the shoes of thankless women.

Equally, women worth the little heaven between their legs don’t scorn men –unless you’re looking at life through the wrong end of the telescope.

Few weeks ago, my bud was woken up at the evil hour by a lady who wanted him to join them –note: them –at a certain fancy joint in Hurlingham “for drinks”.

The guy did his math: slashing 20k from his credit card for an unplanned expense would be an irredeemable folly. Not ready to be the meat in her sandwich, he turned her and her friends down. Clever boy.

The chick has since ghosted on him. Not much of a loss, is it? If the hell she sincerely wants to hang out with you, she won’t invite you at 1:36am.

SHAME TO WOMANHOOD

Women who go to a watering hole and drink for seventeen hours, using all manner of derisive language against men don’t deserve good men. They don’t deserve their chivalry, time or money. Because they are a scam. And a shame to true womanhood.

A quick word for all stallions out there: there is no reward for good men. Mockery and heartache is all there is. Women. Just. Don’t. Care. Never have.

Be a matador not a doormat. We good? We good.