Nairobi News

So the sexiest man in the world has been announced and he happens to be tall, dark and handsome, not bald though, bummer!

Ladies do not look around as if that could easily be your man, all because he shares some features with the standing champ of handsome.

Well, he is not! In case you are wondering who this is, I’ll have you know he is the man with an accent that will send even your wife stripping. The one and only…. drum rolls please.. I’m really trying to create suspense here.. the one and the very only Mr Idris Elba.

Now this is not surprising at all knowing the man from TV he seems perfect, so to my dear gentlemen hapa Nairobi tu, why exactly are you not the sexiest man alive?

SEAT EGO DOWN

I’ll tell you why, perhaps for once you will need to seat your ego down and let me educate you or if it makes you feel man enough leave it standing….

In a candid conversation with a friend of mine whose ego has been bruised having not made the list despite the height and the chocolate effect, nor a text from the babe acknowledging him as Mr sexy, he claims that Kenyan men are the finest in Africa and the new list is biased.

Hold up. I know you are laughing too. Kenyan men probably have a potential of being one of those sexy men in Africa, but then why don’t women find you all as sexy? And exactly why do they settle for you or perhaps why hasn’t even Kenya dared to put a list of sexy Kenyan men annually wale kina Nick Mutuma. (or he is not gotten a replacement yet ama ni Pascal?)

It is a no brainer that majority of you are the ideal definition of Casanova, no insult intended. I mean look around you, women in this country are a head turner hands down and one can never be enough. To have one woman in the land of abundance is just daft. Read the satire.

UGLIEST CHARACTER

I will need to hammer this in your head, the’ I appreciate women by not being with any of them rather you are with all of them’ is one of the ugliest character some Kenyan men have and that dude is not sexy! Now take note your comrade and color mate Idris chased his model and settled with just her!

You all have preferences that you do not air out. Every woman is a placeholder for the one you are awaiting to be with. Cool story, women have placeholders too but when you unashamedly tag placeholders as girlfriends and sidechiqs , shows how indecisive and easy to get you are.

You love attention probably you are the woMAN in the relationship , ‘wanting Akoth to call you up coz she cooked some fish, Wambui has some plan pale J’s and Kesh the slayqueen just bought new lingerie , are you 20? ‘ Men should be hard to get too, it’s hella sexy even women prefer a man they can miss kidogo!

How does your body look like tho? Are you well maintained? Does character speak for you. I know there’s someone ticking this list and going like, this is a sham , I’m all the above yet single. Lies! You missed the fact that your vibe game weak. How you communicate and shower attention to your woman speaks a lot about a defined sexy man.

MODERATION

Consistency with moderation is probably the sexiest character alive a man could have. Ask any woman, they prefer a man who will drop a good morning have a good day text, probably an afternoon check up and a surprise dinner text. I know it sounds like roll call haha but you are on a role!

Finally, ninjas to be sexy has 10% to do with your looks and the 90% is highly on your rapport. It’s your presence, your communication skills, how you carry the tete a tete with grace and what you leave in a woman’s mind. T

his should not be a struggle for you, if you have a less sexier face work on everything else after all everything in life is a gamble ask Mr joker, even he made the cards.

But hey what do I know , I’m out here wondering why Diwali is not a holiday for all, after all the fireworks noise , I’m not even complaining!