Annoying and intrusive questions you should stop asking others this year
In the continued spirit of making resolutions, I would like for all of us to change our collective behaviour this year and learn to mind our own business.
I have noticed with a lot of concern that many of us, me included, have a terrible habit of sticking our noses in other people’s lives and his should stop, effective immediately!
I know, I know, other people’s lives, problems, purchases and love lives make for juicy topics, but please, this butting into other people’s personal stuff has got to stop!
The first thing we need to wean ourselves off is asking single people that question that drives them up the wall – when are they planning to marry. This is a bone of contention for most single people, along with why they haven’t proposed or been proposed to, when you know they are in a relationship with someone. Relationships are hard enough without friends, family and even workmates interfering with them.
The next thing we need to stop asking about is people’s fertility. So, they finally got married, have seemingly settled into the marriage and there are still no signs of babies.
A neighbor of mine, who had waited a couple of years before getting the itch to become a mother, told me that she used to be very irritated by that question, “why don’t you have babies yet”, or “when are you planning to get pregnant?”
These questions are not only annoying but also invasive. One should never asked a married woman why she does not have any babies yet, you do not know her struggle. Unless you are asking in order to help her with either information or medical and emotional support, just keep out of it.
We should also strive to stop questioning people about their decisions in life, especially if those choices have nothing do with you and will have no effect on your life whatsoever.
If somebody who got recently employed decides to buy a Lexus with his or her first salary, then kudos to them. Do not ask them why they chose to buy a car rather than build a house or whatever else you would do in a similar situation.
I have former colleague, who, I suspects wanted to live her dream life through me. She would ask, quite bitterly, why I haven’t finished my Masters yet, what was I waiting for, why I do not make my hair in a certain way, why I do not dress in a specific style, and why raise my family in a different way from how she would do it.
As far as I know, she is still single, but she has the potential to do whatever she wants with her life, she should not have to project her ambitions on to me.
That said, there is a phrase that has recently started driving me crazy, we really need to stop it. Stop calling women wife material! What material is this that people keep talking about? Is it denim, khaki, silk, cotton, or a polyester spandex blend? Why would you group certain women in one category that they are marriageable and others not so much?
One thing we have to understand is that everybody is different; their experience, upbringing, background, education, and home environment all play a part in moulding a woman’s character and hence her wife materialness. Not everything works for everyone. Some like wearing jeans, others brightly coloured kitenge shirts and others even like Kaunda suits.
Just like every man has different taste in clothes, so do they have of women. Stop putting women down that they cannot get a suitable partner, just because she doesn’t match your needs, sawa?
I know it will take some time before we are all able to live without making the above mistakes, it takes baby steps. But do let us all try to be decent human beings this year.