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My new husband wants me to quit my job

Dear Michael,

It is now a month since I got married. My problem is that my husband wants me to quit my job. He says that he will take care of me and is ready to start a business for me.

I’m not comfortable with this. I’m confused because I love my job and I have no experience in running a business. He mentioned it once when we were dating but I didn’t think he was serious.

This is causing a strain in our marriage because I fear telling him that I’m not ready to quit my job. I’m also scared that he will not be able to meet my financial needs.

His mother was a housewife and his brothers are married. I think this is what he also expects of me. Please help, I don’t know what to do. 

Mary

 

Dear Mary,

Congratulations on your recent union and to the life-long journey of compromise and sacrifice in the hopeful environment of constant communication and other-centredness.

You sound decided and determined on your course of action: ‘I am not ready to quit my job’ and ‘he will not manage to meet all my financial needs’.

The challenge seems to be having your way with the assurance of no irreparable damage to your budding marriage.

It would be foolhardy to give such an assurance. But this matter does require careful thought, consideration and pleas to God before whom you made pledges to each other in becoming husband and wife.

Mary, you love your job. Would it be correct to presume that that means not only the work but also the people you interact with, the challenge it presents and no doubt, what your salary?

He has watched his mother – a housewife and his brothers’ wives leave their jobs (if that is what you meant in the last sentence).

He now joins the ranks of his father and brothers in carrying on with the practice. Within the first month of marriage, he makes the request, or was it more of a demand? Is there a way of finding a compromise?

After you have thought and made careful consideration in light of your new marriage, it’s important that the two of you get the opportunity to talk about your feelings and thoughts, and fears and also listen to each other.