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My husband wants me to quit my job or we break up

Dear Michael,

I am a career woman and making very good progress at work. My husband was very encouraging and proud of me at the beginning and was happy that with more income, we would take care of our family better.

However, lately, he’s been very mean and calls me names and even wants me to quit my job or he’ll leave me. Will quitting my job help our situation?

Mary

Dear Mary, 

Congratulations on the progress you have made at work. Has the increased income improved the quality of life for the family?

Your husband’s encouragement and admiration no doubt had plenty to do with your success. The question is; what changed for the worst? Is it reversible? And is it ultimately you who has changed?

The possible changes include the time you spend at home, not doing some of the things that your family cherished, the changed degree of attention you give to your husband and children, a change in attitude toward your husband, or in priorities.

Introspection

Your current journey of introspection is good. Ask a few trusted people in your life if they have noticed any changes too. After reflection and prayerful consideration, make the needed modifications.

Barring your contribution to the situation, knowingly or unknowingly, your success has also made your husband come to terms with his insecurities. 

His meanness, name calling, request that you leave your job and the threat of leaving you are symptoms of the same. 

You should avoid exacerbating it, but in the final analysis, he will have to seek help to overcome the insecurities he suffers from; that is assuming that you have not changed as already mentioned. 

Would leaving your job help the situation? Temporarily, yes, until you get another job that you enjoy and excel at. 

Your more permanent solutions seem to be: never working again (on the wrong premise that it is your job alone that is causing the discord) or your husband, along with you, seeking help in becoming secure in his marriage.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at [email protected]