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My boyfriends dump me due to my high sex drive

Dear Michael,

I am a young lady who has been in two serious relationships in the past five years. Unfortunately my former boyfriends broke up with me because I am a nymphomaniac.

Is there a way I can reduce my sexual desire? Is there a test I can do to see if I am actually a nymphomaniac? How can I get help for this condition?

Julie

Dear Julie,

That is a dramatic self-diagnosis. What you’re saying is that you believe you have ‘excessive sexual desire and behaviour’ (American Heritage Dictionary of English Language, 2000).

And in a more technical definition: ‘a neurotic condition in women in which the symptoms are a compulsion to have sexual intercourse with as many men as possible and an inability to have lasting relationships with them’ (Collins English Dictionary, 2003). 

On whose determination are you a nymphomaniac? Your past boyfriends? Your own? A psychiatrist’s?

Allow me to get my moral dilemma out of the way: sex is best kept within the boundaries of marriage.

Now that that’s done: how has your excessive sexual desire and behaviour been determined?

Sex is a very private affair. Its excesses can only be determined by the two indulging in it. One wants more than the other seems capable of giving, or keeping up with.

Will you then, as the supposed nymphomaniac, get more at any cost? Or will he oblige and try harder at giving more?

Mismatched

Sex becomes a problem when a couple’ libido is mismatched. He feels strained — as has presumably been the case with the two boyfriends you have mentioned. Or you will not relent until you are satiated.

Such a compulsion or uncontrollable drive is similar to but not the same as an addiction.

Addictions are likely to have psychological and emotional roots and disrupt normal day-to-day functioning because indulging and fulfilling the addiction is the overriding purpose in life.

Julie, first get a proper diagnosis from a psychiatrist who could then prescribe medication to counter the desire or replace its fulfilment.

Then begin the journey, with the help of a psychologist, of understanding, why, if indeed you are a nymphomaniac, you have this extreme sexual behaviour.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at [email protected]