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Movie reviewers: 50 Shades of Grey is boring

Movie reviewers around the world have rated poorly the much-anticipated 50 Shades of Grey, saying the movie is boring.

Reviewing for Daily Mail, Jan Moir gave the movie a 2-star rating, concluding: “Yes, this Fifty Shades Of Grim might have its titillating moments, but it just goes on and on and on for no good reason before ending in an abrupt and unsatisfactory way — the very definition of bad sex, not good.”

The movie is set to premiere around the world on Friday, the eve of Valentine’s Day, but it will not be shown in Kenya because the government has banned it.

But just like in the case of Wolf Of Wall Street –another X-rated movie that was banned in Kenya last year- movie lovers will go for the bootleg copies en masse.

But going by the opinions of the reviewers who have had a sneak preview of the movie, Kenyans might miss that much.

Below is a compilation of reviewers’ take on the movie:

Sitting through the turgid and tedious S&M melodrama that is Fifty Shades Of Grey may feel like its own form of torture. Those looking for hot, kinky sex will be disappointed.

‘Fewer than 15 of the movie’s 125 minutes feature sex scenes. The dialogue is laughable, the pacing is sluggish and the performances are one-note. Worst of all, the chemistry is nil between Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson. Dornan spends most of his time frowning while Johnson stares vacantly and bites her lip.’ USA Today

‘It has stripped away the fun and settled on palatable. There have been perfume commercials with more depth and story arc. We may have been curious going in, but by the time the credits roll, there’s another question that springs to mind: is that all there is?’ Times Union newspaper

‘Fifty Shades is a lot tamer than it could have been. Dornan, a god on Earth with a wobbly American accent, is forced to play the same notes over and over. Which I don’t mind watching him do, but he begins to seem bored. The film’s plotlessness becomes a burden in the last 20 or so minutes, when something like a climax is needed, but all the film can muster is yet another argument.’ – Vanity Fair

‘This is a turn-off — every time a sex scene comes on, some lady starts singing a big, whooshy Sex Scene song. Hello, Beyonce . . . It will work better as home entertainment, when each viewer can race past the blah-blah about how well Christian plays the piano and pause on the fleeting image of the man minus his pants.’ Entertainment Weekly

‘Both actors do strip . . . but anyone hoping the movie would really push the S&M envelope may find Christian’s tastefully shot toy room a little . . . vanilla. We see a whip here, a handcuff there, but nothing that would shock even newcomers.’ New York Daily News

‘The mediocre plot, bland characters and tepid tone don’t do any favours. The result is a boring, drawn-out call to a sex dungeon that takes an indeterminable time to arrive.’ Fox News