Nairobi News


BLOG: Ladies, quit ‘playing wife’ if he hasn’t put a ring on it

I’ve been asking myself how far is ‘too far’ when it comes to exclusivity with your boyfriend, especially in matters regarding submissiveness while dating.

I have seen so many instances where a man dates this lady for five years and the two don’t end up together; either than man or the lady marries their next date after only 6 months. Is that even logical?

They say a man can date a woman who has 100 percent of what he wants for years but still end up marrying someone who only has 70 percent of the desired qualities six months later.

But is it all about them (men)?

Why does he waste your time and he already knows it’s not you he wants to spend the rest of his life with?

Why would you allow him to enjoy all the privileges not sure whether he’ll leave you high and dry?

How many women out there are walking around with broken hearts wondering why after dating a guy for such a long time, he ends up marrying someone else six months after they’ve broken up?


The answer is simple. He wasn’t ready! Yes, it really does seem to be that simple to them.

In short, they (men) just don’t care.

My question is, why do we women play ‘wife’ when he hasn’t put a ring on it?

Most women, if not all, dream of having a ring on their fingers, right?

They actually believe that long-term relationships are typically the pathway to marriage and beyond.

So why should you get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should, yet he is not your husband?

Maybe I shouldn’t declare that marriage is the best or only option, because if you look around the divorce rates are as many as couples getting married to the wrong people and for wrong reasons.


As if that is not enough, there is this stigma about the unmarried.

At every opportunity, friends and families stress you with constant questions. “Utaolewa Lini? What’s wrong with you? Si utafute tu mtu yoyote utuletee ama pata mtoto tu tutalea.”

I must admit I’m deeply familiar with those lines, but stigma or no stigma, just so we are clear, until he puts the ring on your finger, you are not – I repeat – not his wife.

You go everywhere together, hold hands, kiss in public; he introduces you to his friends as ‘my wife’. All that is nonsense, until he puts a ring on your finger. Don’t fall for it.

It’s actually sad that most men demand that you cook for them, clean up their their houses, wash dishes and on top of that give them sex to prove that you are a good wife material.

You are only dating him, that doesn’t give him the right to demand wife duties from you.

Dating and marriage are totally different things. Even if he is engaged to you, that doesn’t give him the right to demand wife duties from you.


We actually seem to have a new cool name for an ‘in-house-mistress’ to a ‘wife’. Don’t fall for that crap! Tell him to take you to his family and organize a marriage

You may be a big fan of the movie ‘Sex and the City’, if not, then I don’t think that’s my problem and you can choose to ignore.

But if you were then I bet you remember this phrase, “Men are like cabs, they can drive around for years picking up women and not be available and when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever and they turn their light on the next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry.”

You see, to them it’s just about the lights being on.

Maybe that’s just how men are and we should accept them for the logical, procedural mammals they are but that said, protect yourself from emotional and sexual abuse.

Stop giving this man what he doesn’t deserve. If he is not willing to honour you by putting that ring on your finger, then he is not worthy to receive wife benefits from you.

If and when you become his wife, then he will get treated like a husband.