Nairobi News

LifeWhat's Hot

I don’t have interest in men anymore

Dear Michael,

Three years ago I was diagnosed with a chronic disease and my boyfriend at the time made a rude comment insinuating that I was going to die soon, just like his uncle.

I felt rejected and condemned to die. We broke up and now I don’t seem to want to relate with any man.

I have a boyfriend, but I feel that I’m not interested in him as much as he is a good person. What do I do?

Clara

Dear Clara,

A chronic disease is by no means a death sentence. But it is long-lasting and though it can be controlled, it cannot be cured.

As your doctor probably told you, several aspects of your life have had to change, and effectively to control the disease, you would also need supportive and helpful people around you – not a boyfriend who is quick to tell you that you’re going to die! 

So, not being with him was a good first step. Unfortunately, and as is the case after any close relationship that goes sour, you have developed a belief that holds you back from relating healthily. 

Difficult decision

You face the difficult decision to continue holding on to that belief, out of fear of experiencing the same rejection or deciding to replace that belief with one that does not hold you back in fear, but frees you to experience and express genuinely in your relationships.

The sooner you do it, the better, and you may want the help of a psychologist. 

Your current boyfriend is getting a raw deal. If you’re not interested in him, why are you tagging him along? Might it be time for an earnest and honest conversation between the two of you?

You, need to decide what you are going to do about the fear within. Your boyfriend may be a great support for you as you go through the process, but he has to have the opportunity to decide whether he wants to be part of it. 

You too, have to choose whether you will keep him out of it or involve him.

Right now, he is clueless. If you don’t want him to get involved, it might be helpful to release him, resolve your issue, and if he is still available, see whether you could re-establish the relationship.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at [email protected]