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Expecting baby with my boyfriend’s brother

Dear Michael,

My boyfriend left the country for further studies in the US. We had been trying long distance dating but it was proving difficult. My boyfriend’s brother has been very supportive and now I’m expecting his child. What should I do?

Jemimah.

Dear Jemimah,

What a pickle. Although it would be comfortable to blame several people, you have been an active participant and are now the protagonist as you prepare to be a mother.

Long distance relationships are trying but the principles still apply, irrespective of time difference and distance. Some of these values are honesty, trust, faithfulness and commitment.

In marriage, exiting on the basis of distance and difficulty of maintaining the relationship would not hold water.

Jemimah, at the point where it was getting too difficult, you could have asked out. The situation at hand is complex.

What needs redress, whatever your decision, is guarding against people being ‘very supportive’ and later turning into sexual partners.

Have you discussed this with the father to be? Are you going to continue dating your boyfriend? To what extent are you involved with the larger family?

Jemimah, it would be helpful, though it will cause plenty of pain to you and everyone involved, that you be honest with yourself and that you take responsibility.