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ETEMESI: Why Kilimani Mums and Dads Uncensored needs to be banned ASAP


The Kilimani Mums And Dads Uncensored Facebook group should be declared illegal. Anyone found guilty of posting or commenting on the group on a daily basis should be sentenced to 20 years without a Smartphone or internet with no chance of parole.

Those found reading and liking posts should be sentenced to two years of community service, whereas those found tagging others with the caption “kam uone hii” should receive a punishment of forced salvation at a church of their choice.

MADE TO SEE JESUS

Yes, the taggers are the ones with the talent of recruiting others to the group hence they should be made to see Jesus. This will ensure they recruit more people to church than to ratchet Facebook groups. Call it putting their talents to better use.

Culprits who are still being investigated should also be refused the right to hire Cliff Ombeta as their lawyer. Only inexperienced River Road lawyers should be allowed to represent them to avoid any chance of them being found ‘not guilty.’

What about the founder? A team of Interpol, CIA and FBI agents should dispatched to track down the founder before extraditing him or her to the US like a drug kingpin so they can share a cell with Joaquin Guzman El Chapo as they reminisce about their glory days.

CRAZIEST GROUP EVER

Seriously, though, Kilimani Mums And Dads Uncensored is the craziest group ever. I am surprised that Ezekiel Mutua has never been bothered with it. Maybe he also enjoyed the explicit offerings that are served there.

If the Bible was written today, we wouldn’t be talking about Sodom and Gomorrah. We would be talking about Kilimani Mums and Dads.

People in the group never get tired of talking dirty. They keep it going and going you’d think it’s a bus in the movie Speed.

Not long ago, the only Kilimani we knew was the estate and the Kilimani Mums Uncensored group. In the female only group, only constructive topics were discussed. Don’t ask me how I know. Lol. I had a pseudo account that I used while joining and following proceedings.

SEX, SEX, SEX

Then someone decided it would be a good idea to put thirsty men and women together. Disaster! From morning to evening, it’s all about sex sex sex. My God! When you hear someone like me complaining about too much sex topics, know that things are really bad.

And it’s not even the educative sexual topics like how to please your partner better or how to practice safe sex. The posts there are so bad you would think they were written by Ethic (The Lamba Lolo guys).

The gossip that gets thrown around in the group is highly potent too. It beats that of salon women. The attention seekers are the majority. People who normally don’t get likes on their normal posts flock to Kilimani to post outrageous things so they can get at least 200 likes and feel like a mini-celeb.

CORRUPTED BEYOND REPAIR

If your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend has been active in that group for more than a month, I’ll tell it to you straight. You need to let them go. Let them go like they are a dove out of Noah’s hands. They have been corrupted beyond repair. There is nothing left to salvage.

If you are not in the group, pat yourself on the back. If you were in it and you left because you had better things to do or you became wise, pat yourself on the back too. To the rest, how can you be a grown human na unashinda kwa group ukicomment kwa mapost kwanzia asubuhi hadi jioni? Si hiyo ni kiriminooo? Hiyo ni kiriminoo!

DPP Noordin Haji, kujia hawa watu please!