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Eight things not to say to the over 30 Nairobi woman this weekend

When you live in a country like Kenya where children are raised by villages, a woman is bound to hear tons of unsolicited advice when she is growing up.

When she gets to 30 and is still single, the pressure to meet various milestones is intensified. In a bid to help, people end up saying hurtful things to her.

Here’s a look into eight unthoughtful things you shouldn’t say to a single woman who is over 30 this weekend:

1. I was married at your age – If you are one of those people who got married early in life, good for you. Your married status however doesn’t give you any right to compare your life with another person’s.

2. You are too picky – Don’t try to come up with a list of things that could be wrong with a woman’s personality to try to explain her single status. She may have high standards but there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t try to suggest that she lowers them. Being single isn’t a tragedy.

3. You look so young! – No, this isn’t a compliment. Don’t try to compare the age of a woman over 30 with how good she looks. Don’t also try to compare her with aging wine or with any older celebrities. Let her be.

4. Aren’t you lonely? – One thing that a lot of people seem to miss is the fact that being alone doesn’t equal being lonely. A woman could be single but having the time of her life. Even if she were actually lonely, it isn’t your place to remind her this.

5. Have you tried Afrointroductions.com? – For some reason, when a woman turns 30, the people around her take it upon themselves to see that she gets into a relationship. Suggesting that she tries this online site or the other is plain rude. It communicates to her that there is something wrong with her because of her single status.

6. You should marry him – At the age of 30, pressure for a woman to settle doubles. True, the older one gets, the more real the chance that they will spend the rest of their lives alone becomes. Still, this isn’t reason for a woman to marry just anyone. Being alone is better than getting tied to the wrong person.

7. You should start trying for a baby – When you say this to a woman, you only remind her of her ticking biological time. This is unkind. While it is true that it gets harder for a woman to conceive when she gets to the other side of 30, there still is hope as even much older women get children.

8. You would make a good second wife – This statement is totally insulting to a woman. Just because she got older doesn’t mean that her value as a woman decreases. If she chooses to be a second wife, respect her wishes but don’t suggest this to a woman who doesn’t want it.