Nairobi News

BlogWhat's Hot

CITY GIRL: I am not getting married anytime soon!

By CITY GIRL September 16th, 2016 3 min read

I am 26 years old, fast hurtling into my thirties and naturally the first question every friend, foe, nosey aunt and a very concerned bevy of female cousins ask, when am I getting married?

I have caught people sneaking glances at my left hand and I watch in sheer amusement as their faces drop when they see only a set of perfectly manicured fingers with no ring in sight.

So I am here to set the record straight and confirm your collective fears, I am not getting married any time soon and I have no hope of getting married soon.

More importantly, let the record reflect that I have no intention of getting married, and should you ever hear that I got married, please call the police because it will be a forced marriage.

The older I get, the more unattractive the idea of marriage becomes to me. Marriage today is a sham. It is a pyramid scheme where innocent men and women are coerced into entering without full disclosure of the material facts.

The sanctity of marriage which was so clearly stipulated in the Bible has been abused and bastardised and marriage has become a little hell down here.

People are getting married for the wrong reasons and staying in unhappy marriages, living with the wrong partners and sharing blankets with people they resent.

If today, I stood outside Nation Centre and threw a stone towards Kimathi Street, it would probably hit an unhappily married man who got married only because his girlfriend (now wife) got pregnant and makosa ilifanyika.

CHILDISH HASHTAGS

Technology has made marriage even more undesirable for me because cheating has never been so easy. Today, phone passwords are holding together more marriages than the prayers of our mothers and fake mummy pastors.

Marriage has become a performance on social media where couples are glued together by silly and childish hashtags like #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) and #MCM (Man Crush Monday).

The measure of love and commitment has been reduced to simplistic, ideas of lovey-dovey photos and videos littering our timelines as the married men flood pretty young things like me with proposals for sponsorship.

But that’s just what we see on social media. Behind closed doors, people are hopeless emotional wrecks waiting to explode. It beats me why society pushes young women like me into getting married while common sense shows that the quality of life of a woman nosedives after marriage.

There are very few reasons to get married, and happiness is not one of them. Many people in this country are happy, but married people are not among them. You can’t even tell me that I will get married for coitus because an old wag once told me; “sex and marriage are mutually exclusive”.

The frequency of that thing in marriage is overrated and it is not even guaranteed. Also, my naughty friends will tell you it is “boring”. Oh my God!

Marriage is where brain cells go to die. For the woman especially, her mental faculties come to a screeching halt. Her brain stops to function. Her dreams take the backseat. Her career ambitions are thrust on the backburner. She becomes like a goat tethered to a tree stump. A goat with a potbelly that jiggles while she brushes her teeth.

“MY HUSBAND”

They forget to bother with their looks, their weight and their dreams and her life becomes all about “my husband”.

All that fat from stress and comfort eating buckets of KFC chicken has pushed their brains to the darkest corners of their skulls and you might as well replace her brain with a piece of cabbage, because that is what marriage does to a woman.

It makes her a cabbage in high heels. She cannot even sleep well at night, she is ever tossing and turning, thinking about her husband who is drinking at the clubs with his “boys”. Ha!

I have taken the decision to put off marriage for as long as I can. I want a long and fulfilling life. Studies show, if you want to live long, simply avoid marriage.

Just look at our former President Moi, ain’t he a silver fox at 92? Whaddya think keeps him so strong and young? I shall focus on my career and personal development.

I know a lustrous career might not cuddle me during movie nights, but at least it will not wake up one morning and tell me that it is leaving me for its secretary who is twenty years younger than me.

That said, should I meet that Meru man who will sweep me off my feet, I shall reconsider. It won’t matter if he is married.

I will simply advise him like I do all my male married friends; “Never let anyone — not even your wife — stand between you and the woman of your dreams.”