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MISS SPICY: 12 steps to add some pizzazz to your sex life


Have you heard couples that live together live room-mates? No intimacy, nothing? If this has been your story, you are in good company.

It happens to the most kinky and passionate of them. A life-changing event could temporarily kill your libido or perhaps you have diverted all your attention to that cute bundle of joy or just plain boredom out of a predictable routine.

Psychology 101 tells us that physical and emotional intimacy are key in a relationship without which the relationship starts to die a slow death. A relationship thrives on intimacy. Period.

But no relationship is immune to a dwindling sexual desire. The up side of this is that it draws your attention to what could be ailing your sex life, which calls for you and your partner to engage.

Luckily there is always a way out of every dilemma. Sex is an art and any art can be improved. Get ready class, the weekend is here…let’s see how we can spice up our sex life. *wink wink*

1. Identify the missing ingredient
What’s the root cause of the sex lull? Is it that the two of you have become too busy and rarely have time for intimacy? Unresolved issues, perhaps? Do you go to bed dressed like an eskimo? How about getting some sexy lingerie? Or perhaps one of you has added too much weight and doesn’t feel sexy anymore?

2. Schedule sex
Sounds ridiculous? Not quite. Think about it… you schedule everything from your hair appointments to your family gatherings to your boys’ and girls’ nights out. Why not set some time aside for sex? Imagine you are at work and you know it’s going down tonight… the thrill that having sex with your lover brings can be enough to put you in the mood.

3. Ready, Steady… Quickie
When you do not have time for the whole nine yard, learn to perfect the quickie. It could be the two of you sneaking away from work at lunch time and getting a room for a much deserved snack or taking a shower together in the evening as the baby sleeps. The ideas are limitless and you can get as creative as you wish.

4. Share your fantasies
Share what’s on your sex bucket-list. Let your partner know what tickles your fancy. To be on the safe side, explore new areas online together and agree on what works for you as a couple.

5. Naughty little notes
Sex notes placed in a strategic place where your lover will see can put them in the mood. Let them know you still desire them sexually. An element of surprise spices things up. Do something your partner isn’t expecting.

6. A is for Adventurous
This doesn’t necessarily mean getting out the whips and chains or hanging from chandelier to chandelier. No. Do things a little differently. Predictability is a sure way to kill your relationship, effortlessly. Don’t be the boring girl or guy who swears by missionary. Stay on top of your game, literally and figuratively. *wink wink*. Be adventures and open to new positions and places. Change scenery.

7. Flirting and Sexting
Who said this is just for the younglings? Send your partner raunchy texts and make them crave for you. Set the fire ablaze. Flirt. Give each other compliments. Go out for coffee or a walk together.

8. Get your own coded sex language
You could be having dinner at a friends or in a restaurant and you suddenly touch him with your foot under the table or roll your tongue in a way that only the two of you understand your thirst.

9. Go out on a date
We cannot underestimate the power of an emotional connection. Nurture yours so that sex doesn’t feel like a chore. Make time to go on dates like you did when you first met.

10. Don’t compare yourself to the movies
Remember they are only acting and a lot of airbrushing has been done on the models too. Kwa ground vitu ni different, I assure you.

11. Is your birth-control the culprit?
You will be surprised at how changing your birth-control can make all the difference in your sex life. Different contraceptives react differently to different people. Some have been known to cause dryness or kill libido.

12. Let’s talk about sex
Most couples rarely share their sexual expectations with their partners and oftentimes sex feels like shooting in the dark. Let them know your erogenous zones. Have an open communication with your lover about what turns you on. Create a sex menu that has your likes and dislikes in bed.

Bonus tip:
Don’t worry about the orgasms
With all the hype of multiple orgasms and squirting, one might be tempted to think they will underperform. Relax. A good sex life is not just about chasing orgasms. Yes, they are the icing on the cake but sometimes they just don’t happen and it’s perfectly okay. At times an intimate make-out session could be as orgasmic.