A woman stressed by a pregnancy test. (Picture only used for illustration). PHOTO | NATIONA woman stressed by a pregnancy test. (Picture only used for illustration). PHOTO | NATION
By NAIROBI WIFE

I have always said that I would never broach this subject but recent events in my life have forced my hand. Single parents.

I understand that things happen, relationships don’t work and that children are born into situations that neither they nor their parents asked for.

I know my partner and I can easily part ways after we fail to disagree on something, leaving us in this category. I totally understand that people in committed relationships don’t always stay in them, for one reason or another. But this is not what I am talking about.

I am talking about the people who get pregnant within two months of knowing somebody. The young reckless people who have unprotected sex with almost complete strangers only for them to be left high and dry when they find out that their escapades ended in a pregnancy.

I think that I am truly old fashioned, thinking that sex is a sacred thing that should be taken seriously and should be reserved for very special people that you are willing to live with for the rest of your life and share responsibilities with.

I believe sex should be between two consenting adults that are willing to bear the consequences of their action and work things out to come out better at the end of the situation.

BIRDS AND BEES

Recently, a friend of the family on my in-laws’ side asked my husband for money. She graduated from university about two years ago and has been doing odd jobs to survive (this is Nairobi, we know how it is).

Anyway, so we found out a few weeks ago that she moved back into her parents place huko ushago, because she found out she was pregnant. I had jokingly told my husband that he would end up helping to raise that baby, which would be unfair because he wasn’t the one responsible for the pregnancy. A short while later, the lady called him and told him her woes.

She explained that the man with whom she had had a relationship and consequently had fathered her child had taken off and that she is now on her own.

I feel really bad about this scenario because of two things. That girl’s family is not financially stable to support her or her baby and that she let herself get in that situation in that place.

My mother always explained to me about the birds and the bees. She always let me know what problems could come about irresponsible sexual behavior; disease, unwanted babies and the worst thing of all – the feeling of losing a part of yourself to someone who did not deserve it.

She always told me how I would be kicked out unceremoniously from our family home if I ever took them a bastard child. In retrospect, I doubt they would have had the heart to throw me out, seeing how much they love their grandchild, but then, I didn’t know better.

VIRTUES OF VIRGINITY

If people could wait to get married for coitus to happen, the better. You can always learn more about bodily pleasures with your partner; you don’t need to have experienced everything and everyone before you settle down.

But since the virtues of virginity are no longer upheld, at least make sure that you are with a person who is in the relationship for the long haul. Someone who is ready to take on whatever life throws at the both of you.

If you really can’t keep it in your pants, at least know how to avoid the disasters that can come with sex. Always use protection. STIs are no joke. If you think it’s embarrassing buying condoms, imagine how much more embarrassing it will be to describe your symptoms to a doctor.

Ladies, learn your cycles. Know when you are fertile and when you are not. Educate yourself early, so you don’t start posting on Facebook forums asking for advice when it could be too late. Go online or even talk to a gynaecologist about this. Understand your body.

Lastly, make sure that you are financially capable of supporting a family by yourself, should you find yourself unable to follow the above steps.

If you do get pregnant and if that man should leave, you should at least be able to get by without having to let everyone know your personal and intimate problems.