Nairobi News

The allure of the married man. The debonair and chivalrous gentleman and womaniser par excellence.

The bon vivant with a prince’s taste for tailor-made Italian suits. A dignified man, who pulls for you a chair, opens the door and picks the tab. He who flies you to Nanyuki for a sundowner.

But don’t you dare fall for that. Don’t you ever dream of dating a married man.

When a married man texts you, or calls to ask you out for lunch or dinner, that is not a compliment. It means you are a low-hanging fruit. A quick win for him. That should worry you.

Married men have a lot of insecurities and are always looking for a distraction to make them feel good about themselves. Married men are struggling with nagging, disagreeable, overweight wives.

They are dealing with toxic, crumbling marriages and crying babies at night. Some are struggling with impotence and poor performance.

Others are afraid their wives are doing better than them in their careers and making more money. Some have deep-seated issues with their wives that have to do with money, in-laws, children, and that mjengo that is draining their resources.

Many a married man in this town is just tired. He is only with his wife because divorce is too expensive.

MARRIED MAN’S TOY

He secretly wishes he could just pack a bag, fuel the car full tank and drive as far as he can from that wife who watches over him like a hawk.

This is not to scare you about marriage but just to let you know where that married man is coming from. If he is not coming from a place of turbulence, he is bored of his wife and children.

He is not coming to you for love or commitment. In fact, married men love only one person. Themselves.

You think he is your boyfriend, but to him, you are just a petty pretty distraction with a sizeable posterior devoid of stretch marks. A chattel to be shown off. A trophy to be won.

No married man is cheating because he has a happy marriage. And if he is not happy, what makes you think that he will make you even remotely happy?

Your house is not his safe haven where he feels at home and loved. No darling, your house is a fornicatorium. A little den where he comes to relieve himself of some urges for a few hours before he can kiss you goodnight and speeds off to his home in the leafy suburbs.

What I want you to understand is that to him, you are a toy. A toy he plays with when he is bored, lonely or in need of ‘that’.

A married man will never invest a fortune in you. He will never treat you like a wife. In fact darling, if you are looking for financial help from married men, forget it. They are the meanest men alive.

There is a common lie that married men tell: “Oh, my wife is in charge of all the bank accounts, she only gives me enough for fuel and never lets me touch the rest. She is a better money manager than me.”

OLDEST LIE IN THE BOOK

That, my friend, is the oldest lie in the book. Which sane man would surrender all his money to his wife? You are being played, girl!

He will take his family for holiday in South Africa and Zanzibar, but take you to some nondescript corner in Naivasha because you are not worth the investment. His family gets the bread; you get the crumbs. You are a second-class citizen.

A relationship with a married man is never that of equals. He is the senior partner, you are the junior one.

He has more money, more influence and he has been in the fornication game longer than you have had that weave on. He has a 70 per cent stake in that relationship, leaving you with a measly thirty.

A married man will never give you his undivided attention, and he will never place you anywhere near his top twenty priorities.

You come to his mind only on that loose Saturday afternoon when memsahib is out with the sons at Ligi Ndogo or when she sulks at him for a day or two, or when he needs to have sex.

That is why he will never take your calls when he is at work, but readily pick his wife’s even when he is performing an open-heart surgery.

You don’t matter to him. He won’t bother to call or text you back, until of course he remembers that he is going home to a nasty wife and needs a ‘fix’ from you.

On weekends and holidays, you don’t exist. You don’t exist when he is out for dinner with his family.

WILD OAT

When it is that time of the month for you, a family trip suddenly crops up. Haha! You thought it was a coincidence?

Don’t even think about having a baby with a married man. He will promise to be there, but he won’t.

If he cannot spend enough time with his legitimate children, how do you expect him to spend time with his wild oat?

How do married men get rid of you? Simple. They start meaningless fights. They have perfected this art from their wives through years of experience. Their toxic marriages are perfect breeding ground for the emotional abusers they are.

When the affair is over, you will be just another hit-and-run for him. Another girl he has had an affair with. You join the club of his ex-mistresses.

Married men have had more affairs than you have had tea in your 26 years. For them, dealing with a break up is easier than falling off a log.

So next time a married man texts you about having dinner, what do you tell him? Go home to your wife, you fool!