CHRIS HART: Complete guide to a fulfilling sex life
You don’t have to be sexually experienced to enjoy your wedding night. But love isn’t enough. And so, sadly, many wedding nights are not happy. With the night ending in an unconsummated mess of tears, blame and confusion.
Because couples also need know what they’re doing, to feel comfortable with their bodies, and able to communicate well in bed. Then things will go fine.
So if either of you will be a virgin on your wedding night, make sure you’re both well informed. And ready to take things slowly!
Like the first time you’re sexual together spend as long as you need getting to know each other’s bodies. Days even. Keep the lights on, look, touch, and ask questions.
Lay off the alcohol. If you can feel its effects, you’ve had too much. Pee and wash ‘everything’ before you start, even if you don’t really need to. Use plenty of lube. And contraception, any time you have intercourse. Even for a second. And if you want to pause for any reason, just pause. You think you might be too scared to say stop if you need to? You’re not ready for sex. So be sure about that long before your wedding day!
And if anything at all does go wrong, don’t blame yourself. Or your partner. It’s just nerves.
Be 100 per cent honest about everything. No faking. And don’t base any of your expectations on porn. Porn isn’t real sex. Real sex is much better. Friendlier, funnier, longer, full of kissing and cuddling. And that special sleep after it’s over is something else.
Needless to say, all of that also applies anytime you have sex with someone for the first time. Like at college, maybe.
But there’s also a few more things to think about. Like if you want to have sex, don’t get drunk. And if that sounds boring, then you’re not ready for sex. Don’t have sex if your partner’s drunk, even if you’re sober. So if you think that’s the only way you’ll ever get any, then you’re not ready for sex either. It’s not nearly so much fun anyway – and you have no way of knowing how your partner will feel about it in the morning.
I know some people say ‘No!’ when they really mean ‘Yes! But I don’t want you thinking I’m easy.’ You can’t tell the difference, so always assume that no means no. No exceptions.
And before you have sex with someone, check whether they’re even slightly crazy. That’s another very good reason for staying sober! ‘Crazy’ usually means some sort of personality disorder, and getting that close to someone with personality issues could ruin your life for years.
Above all, remember this. There’s no shortage of sex out there. So you don’t have to grab every opportunity. Trust me, there’ll always be another chance. And passing up on something that might end in tears, might be the most important thing you ever do.