Nairobi News

BlogWhat's Hot

BLOG: Why DJ Crème’s wife should forgive and forget

I know I will be persecuted for saying this. But unless you have been in marriage for long to realize that people err and walking away is not always the easiest way out, you will never understand.

You are not guaranteed of happiness when you walk out of that marriage in a huff.

On your wedding day you said the vows promising to be together – “in sickness and in health; in good times and bad times”. Clearly, the good and bad times mentioned here by the crafters of the marriage vows did not mean to encourage infidelity; the case we are dealing with now.

BUY THE CRAP

And it is not to say that I buy the crap that men are inclined to be unfaithful – it’s in their genes – or there is shortage of men and so women should share the few that are available, whatnot!

The mistake has happened and how do we proceed from there? Forgiveness.

A lot of times I have been challenged by my friends when I say that I am determined to grow old with my husband, of course till death do us part.

The questions I have been confronted with are many and varied; what if he is a wife batterer, a philanderer, he subjects you to verbal insults, he has abdicated his responsibilities as the head of the family and so on and so forth.

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness in marriage is not an option; it is a sign of commitment in both parties to have it work.

Instead of going online to denounce her husband to please social media users, a woman wronged in this manner should stay calm and take her time to think through what has happened. Allow yourself to cry even.

It’s a painful experience to be betrayed in this manner but it is not the end of the world. There is no such big sin that cannot be forgiven.

To quote Pope Francis in his latest message to his Catholic flock about the family; “There is no perfect family. Do not get married to a perfect person. We have complaints about each other. We are disappointed by each other. Therefore, there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is vital for our emotional health and spiritual survival.”

To reinforce the Papal’s message is a quote by Ruth Bell Graham; “A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

‘ONE MORE TIME’

Still, Thomas Edison reminds us that; “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

Indeed, it is easier to forgive and forge a way with the marriage than to walk away and forever carry the load of hatred, bitterness, vengeance for the rest of your life. Don’t forget the guilt of bringing up children without the love of both parents!

So there you have it. Do not rush things or make decisions in a hurry. Time is a healer of every hurt; you only need to be patient.

Listen to your husband’s explanation but that does not mean you do not share your anger and frustration. Let him know how his actions have hurt you and be willing to forgive.

In my 10 years of marriage, I have learnt that a prayerful woman can bring about the happiness she deserves in the union. Prayers do change even the hardest of men and this should be every woman’s weapon to keep evil away from her family such as the monster called infidelity.

So before you ask for a divorce, remember that such experiences only serve to make a couple stronger till death do you part.

The writer is a marriage advocate.

Do you agree? [email protected]