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BLOG: Why are you still single and other dumb parliamentary quizzes

The National Assembly’s committee on Finance, Trade and Planning on Tuesday asked Central Bank of Kenya Governor nominee Dr Patrick Ngugi why he is not married at 54.

One can only wonder what they would have asked some of the Kenyan musicians if at all they were nominated to take up a public post.

To P Unit they might ask: “Which are these things you are putting-putting all over the place and aren’t they a security threat now that Kenya is at war?”

To Kristoff they may ask: “Why are you flouting traffic rules by dangling on things like a matatu then singing about it?”

To Amileena: “Why do you say the time has not come for you to make a baby with Sudi and yet you are over 18?”

And if Jaguar were to go through a committee before taking up his Nacada position he could have been asked, “Did you have a valid passport when you wanted to cross the border after hustling up and down?”

ARROGANT AND DISRESPECTFUL

Also, the Committee on Administration and National Security last week rejected Dr Monica Juma, President Kenyatta’s appointee as the Secretary to the Cabinet, saying she was arrogant and disrespectful to elected leaders.

You can only guess the reasons the committee could have given for rejecting some Kenyan musicians if they were nominated for any government job.

They would reject Sauti Sol, with an explanation: “They cannot hold a public office because they failed to mention any current MP in the list of what Nerea’s child could have become.”

They would turn down Nyota Ndogo with an explanation, “She could not satisfactorily explain who are people and who are shoes as one of her songs says.”

They would also block Juliani, saying: “He was unable to explain to us who are these people he sang about whose heads are as empty as church seats on a Monday.”

The MPs would reject Avril, saying, “In 2011, she created disturbance by saying she had come to provoke some people and rudely reminded told them not to think they had got a space.”

They would send away H_art the Band with an excuse: “They are not medically fit to serve because their hearts elapse every time they look at some people.”

UNFIT FOR OFFICE

They would denounce the nomination of Elani to any other ministry and say: “They are only eligible to work in the agriculture ministry as they appear to have plans for the country’s food security as they said they can turn into chicken because of love.”

The parliamentarians would reject Nameless saying: “He is unfit for a public office because he is unsociable, having sung in 2002 that he doesn’t laugh with people.”

They would say of Kleptomaniax: “They should not be in a public office because they are unable to make decisions, and they keep asking people if they should continue singing or not.”