Nairobi News

Now if you’ve been following me keenly, you will remember Steve, the older guy with whom I had one of the most exhilarating dating experiences.

Today, I want to school you on how you will net your Steve — your Mr Right — and how to make yourself irresistible, leaving him with no option but to put a ring on your finger. Here is how:

Hang out where Steve hangs out: Don’t limit yourself to cheap hangout joints. Instead, surprise your intestines once in a while and buy yourself a drink or a meal at a resort or country/golf club, where Steve and his peers hang out (and play golf Tuesday afternoons). 

Once in a while, attend a golf-open at a serious golf club. Have a coffee at a high-end mall. If you have a little disposable income, buy a gym membership at a decent club where decent men like Steve go and make sure you dress properly for the gym; nice sports bra, figure-hugging leggings.

Also be careful about the parties you attend. If you have one or two important friends, make sure you are invited to their parties and brunches where you will meet Steve and his ilk.

Finally, girls, let’s go to church, but not just any church, go to a church where you are most likely to meet Steve. I met my Steve in some nice church tucked in a leafy neighbourhood.

Look good: No. Look gorgeous. Always look your best. I’ll let you in on a little secret; men love dresses. They are impressed by a woman who has embraced her femininity and knows how to dress her curves.

Invest in your wardrobe and a nice pair of heels. Flaunt your legs and curves. Always ensure your hair is in place.

Smell good — not the natural girl smells. Get yourself some designer perfume or a body splash that smells like daisies.

Smile and shove that nasty attitude down the bin.

Massage his ego: The first date is usually the make-or-break date. Here is how to handle your first date. Before the date, look him up online. Who is Steve? Is he a businessman? A legal eagle? A corporate tsar?

Do your research on his biggest achievements and capitalise on them. Most men have huge egos so they will probably gloat about their achievements on Facebook or twitter.

Tell a man what he wants to hear. Take a keen interest in his career (feigned or genuine, who cares?) Tell him you admire his business acumen.

Make him feel like a njamba (hero). However, you must do this without seeming too smitten or awed. Again, we don’t want you coming across as a groupie.

Impress him: Not with a fake accent. Be good at something, and I am not talking about bedroom gymnastics. I mean demonstrated talent. You must not only capture a man’s heart, but also enchant his mind.

You must be able to sustain a meaningful conversation, ask intelligent questions and offer plausible ideas and contributions to your conversations.

Know your current affairs. Don’t limit your television to style channels. Peruse CNN and BBC once in a while. Appear and sound intelligent.

If you are not a smart girl, don’t worry, I got you covered. Here is how you trick a man into thinking you are intelligent; follow people who matter on twitter and Facebook (lawyers, experts, analysts) then rephrase their opinions on current affairs in your own words and voice them.

You will be surprised at how Steve will be impressed at your intelligence. 

If you are an opinionated babe like me, don’t be afraid to challenge his opinions.

And please ladies, while talking, avoid phrases like ‘as-in’, ‘OMG!’ Are you for real!’, ‘I-was-like-si-you-kuja-and-chukua-me-from-huku’ kind of English. Steve speaks and likes to listen to polished English.

Sweaty armpits: Listen to me here very carefully. If you don’t drive, you don’t have to show up on a date with dusty feet and sweaty armpits.

If you don’t have a job, you don’t have to bombard Steve’s phone with ‘please call mes’ or ‘flash’ him all the time. Don’t tell a man you are broke unless he is your father, brother or husband. Don’t have a pity party with yourself and act all damsel-in-distress. 

Most men don’t care anyway. Uphold your dignity. Finally, appear busy, even if you are as idle as a government secretary.