An open letter to all ye hitched but timid sisters
I don’t know how you did it; whether you got pregnant to make him marry you, if you were the perfect woman or if you used threats to ensnare him.
I’ve got to give you the props for finally nailing the great catch, that is your husband.
Niceties aside, ladies let’s get down to business. First, it is high time that you married women faced some facts that I believe you already know, but are too timid to face.
Polygamy is here to stay, whether you like it or not. There is no such thing as a ‘one-woman-man’.
Not to sound too cliché, but the truth is, men — no, your man — cannot, can never, will never, has never been content with just one woman.
He may not show that openly to you, but get this right; men like variety, they like diversity, and they like their women in different shapes and sizes and this means that he will never be satisfied with just you.
He could be the reverend, CEO, or even a pauper, but a man is a man. My advice is, make room for number two — a ‘clande’ or a second wife.
Admit that in the many hours he is away at work, at a conference or church; he could be in the arms of another woman.
Chances are that the woman will be younger, prettier and more stylish than you. So every morning while you iron that crisp white shirt of his, bear in mind that there is a PYT (Pretty Young Thing) holed up in a servant’s quarter waiting to hastily unbutton it. Painful, but true.
There is no such thing as Perfect Wife, so stop trying so hard chasing after a mirage. The thing is, we are pretty, smart and tight- if you know what I mean.
We can all make good mothers, good wives and good partners. We can all cook and those of us who can’t, we are thankful to the Tuskys’ kitchens.
Now, stop trying so hard to please your husband. Forget the self-proclaimed sexologists ripping women off their hard-earned cash purporting to teach them Mombasa raha (sex matters), and acrobatics that will blow their husband’s mind.
The truth is, you may cook him chicken in diamond sauce and play it monkey style, but the next day, he will still hit on that hot new intern in his office or fantasise about her when he is with you.
You may look like Beyoncé but the truth is, men with the prettiest wives are the biggest cheats.
Finally, stop sacrificing your careers, businesses and time for the sake of family, because that good wife act eventually wears everyone out, you will have =much time on your hands and you will become the idle, bored housewife.
The only person that matters in this world is you…and your children maybe. I know I will get a beating for this because I am not a mother yet, so I couldn’t possibly understand, but the truth is; woman, you’ve got to love yourself and be nice to yourself.
I am not a marriage counsellor but I know one thing; that I have never found any person in this world that I love more than Njoki Chege. She is the most important person in this world, and everything I do; I do it for her, not for anyone else.
Love yourself. Be nice to yourself. Let you be the number one, then the children and then him.
Not to sound like an anti-bra-wearing feminist, but the truth is; men are selfish creatures.
They could put their wives and children at great risk for the sake of one chick they like. They go for what they want —that job or chick— without caring what you feel or think.
They have learnt the art of self-love and personal gratification.
They make love when they want, how they want, and with whom they want. If it is all about them, why shouldn’t it be all about you…and your children (maybe?)