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Accept girl chosen for me?

Dear Michael,

I am 26 years old and with a good job in an international company.

My grandmother has become very anxious lately about my single status and has taken it upon herself to find me a wife. She has settled on a young girl from our village who is educated up to Form Four level.

Recently, she took this young girl home to introduce her to my parents, who did not mind. I don’t know how to respond to this.

How do I tell granny and my ‘betrothed’ that I am not interested in their matchmaking efforts?


Do not despise the wisdom of age. Between the judgment and evaluation of your grandmother and your parents, there might be great value in their input concerning a future wife.

Your parents and grandparents have a unique knowledge of who you are and of what it takes to be in a marriage that can overcome the test of time. Bear in mind that some men will  jump at such an opportunity after several attempts at getting a wife.

Your age and job suggest that you’re ready to conquer the world. Professionally, you seem to be making great strides; physically, you’ve never felt better, your body does exactly what you want it to do and you probably look your best so far in life.

Financially, you have the good old ‘disposable’ income; In terms of relations, you no longer suffer rejection, I presume, and you want the ‘right’ person.

If those are the circumstances, then it is easy to despise words of wisdom, and even the selection of a grandmother, who has the approval of your parents. We should not forget that she is ‘only’ a rural form four leaver? Surely you can do better!

You don’t mention whether you have met this lady.  Evaluate her, honourably, as much as possible, for who she is and how the two of you relate, irrespective of the fact that she has been selected for you.

It would also be worth your while to understand why your grandmother is eager for you to get married. She seems to have persuaded your parents about it too.

Choice is yours

Ultimately, the decision to or not to marry is yours. You will live with the consequence of your choice and decision, whether or not the woman has been pre-selected on your behalf.

As you make the decision you will live with, give respectful consideration to the opinions, views and thoughts of trusted people around you.

In response to your question: be as respectful and gentle as you can.

Do your best to explain your decision to your granny though it would seem that she would only accept your rejection of her efforts if you introduce the woman you do intend to marry.

As for the ‘betrothed’, you also have to be kind. She graciously accepted you. Uphold her dignity, as much as it depends on you.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at [email protected]