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9 Types of city people in the villages this festive season

Most city people are not in their urban homes/houses right now. Since around December 10, they have been checking out in their yearly fashion, making a pilgrimage to some place or the other.

Dubai or Seychelles for the rich, Zanzibar or Mombasa for the middle class and the village for all else who fall in-between. Plus the rich and middle class who don’t want to feel guilty about deserting their village folks.

Every year, village people get to witness city people for a brief two weeks or one week at Christmas. And every year it is the same people in the same fashion. Here are 9 types of city people currently in the village:

1. The Village Golden Boy

Every village has one of these. Humble background, his mother was perhaps a teacher or a housewife. He had brains. Went through public primary, public provincial high school or national school, went to University of Nairobi or Egerton University, got a First Class and is now making it big in the city. Works for PWC or Delloitte or has his own firm. He is humble and people like him. He is his mid- thirties or early forties. Goes home often. He has a car, beautiful wife and two smashing children. When he goes to church, they have to mention him or allow him to speak. This guy is welcome everywhere in the village.

2. The Wannabe Politician

Greets everyone. Visits people in their homes whether or not he is invited. He talks big and dresses in cheap suits and pointed shoes. Always black shoes. He acts like he knows ‘big’ people in Nairobi. His talk is always about his lunch with the IG or his meeting with Kidero. He makes loud phone calls for people to hear, about a truck in Namanga or why he was not told that the last opinion poll was due to be released on the date it was released. Village people don’t mind him. They tolerate him for his beer or sugar. He is not wealthy yet. But they humour him, calling him mkubwa.

3. The Snobs

These are children from a wealthy/prominent families. Now they have come home with their own children. They are doing well. A doctor here, daughter married to a rich businessman but she is home too. They are indifferent. Not much socializing. They only leave their home and go see their immediate relatives. They drive through the local market, windows rolled up. All their shopping is done at the nearest (former) district headquarters. They are distant. Villagers really don’t bother with them.

4. The man whose house/home is overgrown with bushes and shrubs

This guy and his family never go home. They come once or twice a year. But they have a good house plus perhaps a compound. When they arrive, his house and compound will be overgrown with bushes and grass. One of his walls will be cracked and some of the trees and flowers planted in their last visit will have died or gotten eaten by mischievous goats. They have to slash the grass and trim the fence and burn sleepers and rubber materials in the house to scare away the snakes. Then they have to take out their mattresses, blankets and chair cushions out in the air to freshen them up.

5. The Showy Material Family

You know this family. Visiting the village for them is about painting a picture of success and presenting to the villages how they have a wonderful life. Their clothes – new and expensive, they will come in a car and drag out of the boot about seven Nakumatt shopping bags. When they go to the village, they carry everything, including a hand sanitizer and mosquito repellant.

They never shut up about their children; how smart they are, how they are growing fast, how they can speak perfect English etc. One of their kids always has an odd toy like a guitar (a real one but the small kind). They also talk about their business. How the tough year has not affected them, how they are expanding to Mombasa etc. These are the guys whose kids get a new set of everything as they head home, not for the kids to be happy but for the parents to feel good about who they are. And they dress up to the nines as they head to church.

6. The Hot City Girls

Nobody cares about city boys in the village. No one. But the girls. Lord help them. Villagers adore beautiful city girls. If there is one place where city girls are basically smothered by attention, it is the village. Ask anyone of them how many village casanovas hit on them come January.

7. The Family No One Likes

There is always this one family from the city that village people don’t like. Not hate, just don’t like them. They receive few visitors. No one is actually ever happy to see them. They go home and live as though they are still in the city, without the lights and traffic jams. They are never treated warmly whenever they visit and somehow, their presence destabilizes the peace at their home. It always seems as though even their own parents are simply tolerating them and when they leave, no one is sorry.

8. The Family Everyone Likes

It is never because of the man. Always, it is his wife that draw people. Welcoming, lovely, lively and happy. People drop their chores the moment they arrive. Everybody likes them. They are warm and chatty and unpretentious. They are never that rich nor that poor. They get by just fine. Although that doesn’t matter to the village folks. They simply like them. This family gets invites from people. ‘Come for lunch…’ ‘Let your son come see my cows…’ ‘My grandmother wants to see your daughters…’ They are loved.

9. The Guy who will call for his fare back to Nairobi

This guy will run out of money and call his friends in Nairobi to send him fare… He will sort them when he is back. They are mostly bachelors. If he has a family, it is a new family. His family is often the last to leave the village.