PHOTO |COURTESYPHOTO |COURTESY
By IRENE MUGO, @wanjirumugo

Slay queens, drama queens and beauty queens in Nyeri have threatened to boycott the Central region ASK show over lack of ample space at the disco tents.

A poet in Nyeri Ms Waruguru Kiai, who is also a lawyer, excited Facebook users with her hilarious post accusing the organizers of the show of sidelining “serious investors and stakeholders” in the preparation of the exhibitions.

“As you all know slay queens need space to swing their weaves and make bubbles with their BIG-G, beauty queens need to strut and smile while carrying Guarana on their heads and drama queens need enough space for all ‘squad’ members… none of these factors have been put into consideration,” she wrote.

She complained that organizers allocated little space for disco people and shortchanged it for toilets.

“The denial of space to the disco people have been interpreted as a deliberate effort on your end to prevent show goers from showing off their dancing skills,” she said.

FROTHY DRINKS

The lack of space, it was noted, would negatively impact on the smooth flow of frothy drinks from one table to another causing unnecessary bouts of soberness occasioned by the lack of continuous uninterrupted swallowing of the frothy drinks.

The lawyer felt that the organizers were working in cohorts with parents to control the music volumes at the Kabiruini grounds.

“How comes, Omega Disco has been allocated space next to the forest? How comes the path to the said Disco has not been cleared and the stones painted like other stands. How comes the area is still full of ‘miheheje‘ (Black jack) unlike the KWFT stand which looks like a scene from heaven. How comes the said space has not been allocated KWS officers to keep off elephants. Is this not a plot to eliminate all Despacito dancers?”

Children will suffer the brunt too after their space allocated for huge merry-go-round swings have been ‘grabbed’ by maize and cassava boilers.

“If that is not discrimination of the highest order, I don’t know what is!” she noted.

Further, hawkers selling plastic butterflies, balloons, and Mickey Mouse face painters have been denied access to the prime spots in the show ground.

Others who have not been given access and rights to trade include Kichwa bila mwili, the snakes with two heads, kichwa mbili mtu one, The beautiful ‘ngumutha’ from mombatha (Mombasa), The three eyed dwarf and majini toka Congo.

DEMANDS

The protestors said they would not take the issues laying down demanding that the ASK officials immediately seek out the aforementioned legends and offer them prime space in the facility.

“Failure to which, we shall uproot all the spinaches from the Prison Stand, chase out all the cows and pigs at the Wambugu farm stand and flatten all stands using the KWFT tractor on display.

“We shall not stop there, we will go ahead to drink all milks from Mukurweini and Wakulima Dairy stands, we shall then raid CDF Stands and demand for handouts, we shall demand free intakes from the KU stand before drowning our sorrows at the Coca Cola stand, it is there where we shall plan our attacks against the Bradegate stand.

“One member Diaspora Branch Heize Kahindo has brought to the attention of the chair that parachutes need to be brought back, paper caps and a real life lion need to make a comeback too.

“In addition, all person’s wearing scout uniform need not to pay. I therefore encourage all of us to liaise with Vaashiz Grace Michuki for supply of scout uniforms…

“Lastly, it has not escaped us that you have not bothered to put up a missing child stand. What is a show without a missing child?

“Act now, failure to which…we shall revisit…” she concluded.