Bank notes of Kenyan currency in Sh1,000 denominations bearing the portrait of former President Mzee Jomo Kenyatta. FILE PHOTOBank notes of Kenyan currency in Sh1,000 denominations bearing the portrait of former President Mzee Jomo Kenyatta. FILE PHOTO
By CITY GIRL

There are men, and then there are real men. Real men do not flash stolen money in the faces of their fathers-in-law.

Real men are discreet in their affairs, modest in their tastes and subtle in their moves.

A real man will never show you how rich he is, he leaves such showiness to little boys who cannot contain their excitement of having new money.

There is this ‘businessman’ who police are currently pursuing who is unlikely to be accused of being a real man. In fact, he could easily be the biggest knave to have ever walked God’s green earth.

From his pictures, he presents a patina of a quiet, bespectacled smooth guy with a gentle mien. You might think he is a quiet spirit with a brain to match, but beneath those frameless spectacles lies the biggest mound of clay God wasted in the creation process. This man surprised us the other day when he hosted his in-laws to the ruracio of the millennium.

Helicopters and every other top of the range vehicles you could think of were jostling for parking space in his in-laws’ compound in an event witnessed by governors and other top government officials.

His wedding left absolutely no expense to spare. It was his ruracio budget multiplied by ten and then add a few tens of millions of shilling on top just for good measure.

Turns out this ‘businessman’ is a conman. That he is no ‘flashy businessman’ as some rags described him. That he is no ‘young entrepreneur’ who had overcome countless hurdles to be the man he is today.

FLASHY BUSINESSMEN

His story is not that of rags to riches. In fact, he is nothing more than a common miscreant. An unscrupulous man indeed, who had swindled untold amounts of money from unsuspecting clients whom he told he could sell ‘pure gold’ to.

Sadly, he is not alone.

I am told there is a new crop of young and hip flashy businessmen running around town showing off their money on social media and in entertainment spots. Stolen money; ill-gotten money; money snatched from business deals gone sour.

There is a group of charlatans displaying astonishing amounts of extravagance around town, who buy expensive liquor to the tune of millions for a bottle in uptown clubs only to wash their hands with it just because ‘pesa otas’.

Here is the thing about money. Stolen money, for that matter. You do not show off stolen money, it is not very clever.

If you know for sure that the money in your pocket is ill-gotten, shut the hell up and spend it quietly. You don’t munch your ill-gotten money so loudly that you bring unnecessary attention to yourself.

You don’t throw excessive parties and weddings and post pictures on social media. You spend the money with your bimbo of a spouse and pray to God you are not discovered.

When you know your money is not clean, that it is not the fruit of your sweaty brow, you ought to know better than to show it off to your in-laws.

People always have an intrinsic need to mind business that is not theirs, and if yours is a dirty business, you will be found out. Dirty little secrets always come out.

STOLEN MONEY

This ‘businessman’ should have known better than to flash stolen money before the noses of his in-laws.

Because someone noticed, someone dug up his story and now he is an ignominious failure and an embarrassment to the entire conman community. All because he could not keep his mouth shut.

You see, it is one thing to be a conman, it is another to be a conman who is clever by half. This is the problem of having showoffs with a bit of money running around town. They are so excited at their newly-found fortunes that they cannot keep their excitement to themselves.

They will buy big cars to make up for their lack of intelligence and show off on social media to get what they have been missing all these years – approval.

Since he is not alone, I know he has a clique of about three or four other young conmen, I have a bit of advice for them: Keep your money to yourself. Social media and stolen money are like water and oil. They never go together very well. Social media and showiness are not your friends.

Lie low, shut your mouth, and for goodness sake, don’t try to impress your in-laws. They can smell an idiot a mile away, most will eat your money and sell you off anyway.